Sunday, March 20, 2011

Kusoge of the Week: Skyscraper

Do you love the movie, Die Hard? Do you love the FPS genre? Do you have a Wii? If you answered yes to any these questions, then you could have a good time by hacking your Wii and throwing in Die Hard on DVD. If you want to subject yourself to torture, play Skyscraper instead.
Skyscraper started as PS2 game. It was known for being a bad game, but it didn't stop there. Someone at Midas decided to port this turd to Wii. The game was only released in Europe and Australia, somehow America got lucky this time. Skyscraper was released at a budget price of about 20 dollars. Of course, Wii owners don't have much choice in FPS games, so that price should sound nice....right? No...hell no! You are better off getting the N64 from the basement and playing Goldeneye, because the graphics in Skyscraper are about the same (and yes this game is recent.)
You play as this nerdy British guy ( he looks like the Angry Video Game Nerd) who has his office taken over by terrorists. The game glorifies the fact that there is 20 levels of actions waiting for you (hence the name Skyscraper, how clever...or not.) The "action" consist of fighting enemies with really bad AI that don't fight back is most situations and lame puzzles that a child could solve.
Your nerdy hero's real problems come from glitches. He will get stuck in the floor sometimes or just clip himself into a polygonal mess. Enemies will sometimes just pause and let you kill them, which is retarded but comical. The voice acting is also really awful.
The Wii is home to a lot of shovelware. This game is included in that notorious category but qualifies as kusoge because literally everything sucks: the graphics, voice acting, music, shooting, missions, and glitches galore. This is the type of game you break out to remind yourself why Call of Duty is so damn good. Skyscraper is pure shit that should be experienced with drinking buddies or at a party. Tell them it is Die Hard 5: Die Hardest...actually don't do that, Bruce Willis will fly there and personally kick your ass.
 "You're playing Skyscraper? Yippie ki yay motherfucker!"

1 comment:

ShellShock said...

Wow, he does look like James Rolfe!